Self Empowerment for Better Sex
by attaining Sexual Power
Dan Ellis, is a former Educator and has written articles and manuscripts on education, computers, mental health, general interest subjects, and local histories of the Mississippi and Louisiana Gulf Coastal region.
. . . Prologue
Sex is an Attitude! It is not just a physical act in and of itself.
The tenets of this HandBook involve the discussion of Attitudes and Conditions in addition to emphasizing specific obscure Exercises.
. . . More on Goals, rather than Means alone.
. . . More on Emotional and Mental passions,
rather than Actions based on Sexual Lust alone.
From early on, females are taught to give, while males are taught to take. Marital sex normally begins with a Honeymoon wherein the female "gives" in surrender and the male "takes" in conquering his new found mate.
As time passes, the Marital Act becomes consistent with the wife continuing to give and the husband continuing to take, resulting in leaving both partners short of realizing complete fulfillment.
This HandBook is more about understanding the attitudes of "giving" in order for you to guide your wife into the pleasures of her submission by "receiving" ecstatically.
Awesome and Wonderful
* * *
Even the darkness will not be dark to You;
The night will shine like the day,
For darkness is as light to You.
For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You
Because I am awesomely and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
* * *
Psalms 139: 12-14
MALE SEXUAL PUISSANCE
The meaning of Sexual Puissance simply means "Sexual Power". In its proper perspective, it is the ability to be in full mastery and control of your genitals. This Power or Control, if you don't already have it, or understand it, can be very exciting for you. With just a little practice, the pelvic area can be developed to provide a source of astounding enjoyment and bring you much greater satisfaction than you have ever before experienced. Every man, once he makes up his mind to understand himself, if he wants to understand his woman, . . . and, further, wants to do something about it, will want to achieve "Male Sexual Puissance." (Pwee-Saunce)
Most men, and women are unaware that the pelvis can be the source for dynamic sexual fulfillment. "Sexual Puissance" is the natural way to realize physical enjoyment for both, men and women alike. "Sexual Puissance" provides unlimited influences of Mental, Emotional, Spiritual and Physical sharing with your lover.
However, only very few men have gained total and automatic sexual control of their excitation and pleasure, both for themselves and for the benefit of their spouses. If you object to this statement, hold it in abeyance until you have read this book and tested and savored the results.
How does one achieve "Sexual Puissance" ? Why haven't you heard about it before?
Let's answer the first question. How? Pure and simple, by strengthening special and selective muscles of your pelvic area, only then can you experience greater sexual satisfaction for both you and your mate. Muscle tone affects sexual performance in many important ways. People whose bodies are always up-tight and tense are limited to the sensations they may feel and the emotions they can relate to. Tense muscles as well as loose muscles restrict physical and emotional expression.
The muscles of the stomach, hips, thighs, and buttocks should be kept in good condition, but these are not the muscles referred to herein. In pursuing the subject of muscles as described in this HandBook, do not conjure up a "Superman" or any kind of a "Spa created muscle bender". Our attention is placed on a different kind of muscular fitness, assuming one can refer to your penis as a muscle. Let's start with that assumption and proceed inward to the specific internal grouping of muscles couched within your pelvic zone.
Of course, it is great to feel hard and hearty all over, but let's stick to the designated muscles that are required to come into play so that you will increase your "Male Sexual Puissance". Once you understand these muscle control concepts then you can urge your wife to study them with you. You can teach your wife how to strengthen her very same muscles as she begins to understand your exercises. Once you get started, you can reinforce your love life as well as your marriage. During sexual intercourse, the muscles we shall discuss, can intensify feelings for both you and your wife.
You can learn to avoid premature ejaculation as you become familiar with the Power of the Pelvis. Also, you will help your partner feel more in control of her sexuality when making love. Further, it lets you more easily sense her G-Spot.
When a woman's pelvic muscles are in good physical condition, her vaginal canal is tighter and firmer and she finds it easier to sense her lover. Therefore, she, too, can experience orgasms more fully and, moreover, she can enjoy sex well beyond her most intimate fantasies.
In a program to educate these buried muscles within you, you will be able to sustain erections far longer than you do now. You can bring your partner "off" many times without your muscles becoming exhausted. For that matter, you, too, can experience multiple orgasmic feelings without immediately "ejaculating". You can learn to withhold your orgasm until you have extracted every ounce of pleasure from giving ecstatic moments to your sweetheart. Then, at will, you can burst forth with a passionate release during which, both of you have fully and deeply become sensually and physically satiated. What you haven't yet experienced, you just simply can't begin to understand.
Many women have learned to fake orgasms in their desire to satisfy their partners. Often, many men don't know when this is occurring. The result of a woman faking her orgasm, allows you to think that you've got the World by the Tail.
Too many women have learned negative conditioning, which hinders their sexual pleasure and which must be unlearned.
But, first, let's find out more about "Male Sexual Puissance.
From a most practical point of view, the role of muscle tone is extremely important. By following the instructions in this HandBook, you can learn how to develop your pelvic muscles. You will not only attain "Sexual Puissance, but you will gain a healthier condition for your prostate and help to control conditions such as incontinence and premature ejaculation. Through training and exercise you can do something about your muscle firmness.
The penis, described in medical terms, consists of three distinct cylindrical bodies of erectile tissue, two of which, the corpora cavernosa
cylinders lie parallel to each other above the third which is called the corpus spongiosum
. The bottom cylinder houses the penile urethra
through which you urinate and ejaculate. It extends from the head of your penis, which is called the glans penis
, and courses down through it to the base, which is called the urethral bulb
. The urethral bulb
is located internally, somewhat below the prostate. The three cylinders are wrapped by a fibrous coat called the tunica albuginea
So, there you have it! That's what little boys are made of . . . ,
"Frogs and Snails, and Puppy dog tails!"
Upon erection, the erectile tissue receives blood from the pudendal arteries and a symphony of small muscles and nerves that come into play. Your penis will remain hard or tumescent as long as you remain in a mental state of ecstasy, or as long as you continue to have friction applied to your penis, testicles, or anus. Erotic thoughts as well as sexual stimulation to these parts will keep your penis enlarged.
THE SEXUAL CYCLE
The Sexual Cycle involves various stages that you undergo. Initially you enter the Excitement Stage (Arousal Erection), then you progress to the Plateau Stage (Complete Erection), which in turn, induces a further hardening in conjunction with mounting sexual tensions, thus causing color changes in your body and your penis. This stage is the pre-ejaculatory phase.
The next stage is the Orgasmic Stage (Ejaculation) which culminates in the Resolution Stage (Loss of Erection).
Too often, men move from Excitement and skip so fast through Plateau in their rush to get to Orgasmic that they wind up in Resolution much too quickly. You must learn to uncover the riches of staying power that will yield for you the endurance of the old adage --- the "Sixty-Minute-Man.
After so many years of performing "quickies, your mate takes such activity for granted and learns to expect a "quickie" to be the joy of all joys. Many men go from flaccid to flaccid so quickly that some women don't even know that they have missed out on something. Such men add insults to injury by asking, "Did you Come yet?" Certainly she didn't! Only now, she has to wipe away the tears from her face as well as suffering the frustration of ecstasy unshared and untested.
Guys, what you need to understand is that "Male Sexual Puissance, to wit: sexual power. It's in your hands. You are both the Student and also the Teacher for your spouse, so, let's review the First stage, the Excitement stage.
It is necessary to slow down, and to take more time, and to develop the mental attitude of enjoying by giving. You must first develop the mentality that allows you to perform delights upon your wife's body. Let her know that you want to do things a little differently. Communicate with her. Let her share your book or give her supporting readings to review. If you don't, she might wonder about the change in you and accuse you of infidelity.
Take more time with foreplay such as body massaging pleasures. Teach your organ to sustain itself during the Excitement stage a bit longer. You don't have to rush to insert your penis into her too quickly.
Upon entry into her vagina, learn to delay and enjoy the friction that your penis and the glans penis derive by gliding in and out. This will bring you to the Plateau phase more slowly.
It is at the Plateau Stage that your genius and stamina will really be called into play. Attention! You don't want to rush through Plateau! Here's where you can both derive great pleasure and here's where you get your Wife to fall in love with you again and again and again. She need not experience only one orgasm, but rather multiple ones, if you really try. If you do not succeed the first time, then try, try and try again.
Your wife, too, may need to get her pelvic exercise program launched before this actually happens. As long as your "Muscle, and or, your wife's "Love Muscle, need reconditioning, then she may not, at the beginning, attain an Orgasm. However, your own lack of conditioning may cause you to fail at the Plateau stage, resulting in your surge through the Orgasmic stage to Resolution much too quickly.
If you have "come" again too soon, just strike it off to practice and make up your mind that you will do it better next time.
Remember, you can do anything you want to, all you have to do is to apply yourself and make up your mind to make it happen. . . . And, it will, through practice and exercise, . . . and mind over matter.
During the Plateau phase you will reach a point where your orgasm seems unavoidable and you then want to commit to enjoying the fruits of ejaculation. However, this feeling of "inevitability" can be reversed by your mental and physical determination to hold back. If you practice control over your ejaculation, you will find, with practice, that you will gain greater sensations and profit by a series of orgasmic-like feelings.
When you are able to bring yourself to the brink of Orgasm and then hold back, then you have achieved Male Sexual Puissance. The effect is to mentally assume control of your obedient soldier and give him a command to halt and stand fast. This can be gained by tightening your "Pubococcygeous Muscle. Congratulations! Sexual Puissance is what you have accomplished. Now you can give your little soldier a Medal of Valor for "Courage in the line of duty.
However, if you are not inclined to pursue Sexual Power, it may be that you feel insecure or out of touch with your spouse. If this is the case, you will certainly have a problem during the Excitement phase of the Sexual Cycle.
Try to recall past sentimental and romantic moments shared by you and your wife. You may have lost "touch" with one another which may have lead to reduced sexual feelings.
Visualize a joyous nostalgic episode in maneuvering your wife's passions, thereby sustaining your fire. Renew the flames from your first year's ardor. Rekindle the torch by persuading her to recall such moments of intimate sensuality.
There are many selections of books on the subject of increasing sexual arousal which are not covered within this HandBook. Take the opportunity to select a few from the section on "Recommended Readings.
Mount your steed, Prince Valiant, and gallop onto your nearest Library or Book Store for some learned treasures in arranging majestic settings for a passionate mystique!
Let's not tell anyone about this!
You may ask again, "Why has this information on pelvic muscles lain dormant or undisclosed?" The Eastern and Oriental cultures are well aware of muscular controls. However, there are not many good books available to American readers. As you well know, men need not know anything about Sex because we all learned it by osmosis. Right? . . . And, when the stork delivers little babies it takes the little boys aside and tells them all there is to know about S-E-X and the Birds 'N' Bees. Right? For the big boys, however, let's talk more seriously.
The Pubococcygeous Muscle is tucked away in a most private and concealed area of the woman's body, the result of which tends to prevent much discussion by gynecologists and inhibits a woman's knowledge of her own anatomy.
In standard pelvic examinations, physicians usually bypass the Female Muscle. The consequence is a general lack of knowledge. Further, many women are really not interested in putting forth additional effort in becoming more sexually active, until their marital life is threatened.
Therefore, a thorough understanding and a dedicated determination to perform Pelvic floor exercises are a most important decision throughout the remaining years of your lifetime. It's never too late to begin! Awareness in this area escalates delight in lovemaking. If your wife's "Muscles" become slack over the passage of years, then you will find that she won't enjoy sexual intercourse as she once did. Eventually she may have difficulty reaching orgasm. You, too, will also react by finding lovemaking less enjoyable. A healthy pelvic floor exercise program for both of you is of utmost importance for a pleasurable married life and a stimulating love life.
During a woman's life time, pregnancies, "female problems, hysterectomies, and gravity may have caused her "Muscles" to pull and stretch and become loose. Lacking an exercise program, these "muscles" remain stretched and loose.
The purpose of gaining "Sexual Puissance" is that by performing the proper exercises, both men and women will not only enjoy improved Sex, but they will become physically healthier in the process.
Sexual Puissance has its just reward!
In order to get acquainted with the pelvic muscles, you must first understand that our culture has influenced us in many negative ways. Lack of training and knowledge of our pelvic muscles has further resulted in producing weak, flaccid muscle looseness through inactivity. American women, in particular, have never benefitted from being taught the true significance of their muscle power. Consequently, they have been left in a void, never to explore there own pelvic anatomies unless they became pregnant and were introduced to child birth exercises, such as Lamaze. So, it is important to understand the pelvic muscle system in order to get a better appreciation of "Sexual Puissance.
Envision how the bones of the pelvis come together to form a strong frame that acts like a cage. This Pelvic cage, composed of pelvic bones, surrounds and protects the vital sexual and reproductive organs, which are housed within, and are held up by what is called the Pelvic Floor muscles. Place your hands on your hips feeling the upper, outer edges of your hip bones. Move your right-hand finger tips down in front finding the bone structure of your Pubis bone just above your penis. Now press your finger tips down until feeling the hard ridge of your pubic bone. With your left hand, reach down the back of your spinal column at the small of your back. Run your finger tips down your spine until disappearing between the cheeks of your buttocks stopping just short of your anus. Press your fingers to feel the tail end of your spinal column. This is your coccyx bone.
Behold! , The space between the finger tips of each of your hands point toward the lower opening of the pelvis. The area between the finger tips of both hands is filled with layers of muscles called the Pelvic Floor. The Pelvic Floor Muscles form a straight line between the two hard, bony locations where you were holding your finger tips. And there lies the Perineum muscle (see diagram below).
Continuing the descriptive journey, in front, below the finger tips of the right hand is the pubic bone. To the rear, below the finger tips of the left hand is the coccyx bone, or the tip of your tail bone. From the "Pubis" and the "Coccyx, one detects the anatomical term used to describe the "Pubococcygeous Muscle,
or "PC Muscle, for short,
or in our discussion herein, "The Muscle.
Your Pelvic Floor Muscles are composed of voluntary and involuntary muscles which are always in states of contraction and relaxation. Actually, "The Muscle" consists of many muscle fibers which are consistently and automatically moving, releasing and tightening. This is much like the movement of a pulse, or like opening and squeezing a fist involuntarily. Ideally, these muscles should be firm in order to be supportive of the whole pelvic cage and the organs within. Thus, it is essential that your muscles have tone and resilience. The tissues should be suitably firm yet soft and flexible to the touch.
Now, let's put the spotlight on this unique muscle that wraps around and holds up your internal organs. This same muscle influences your genital health as well as affecting your sexual enjoyment. As stated before, the medical terminology for this muscle is the Pubococcygeous (pew-bo-cox-eh-gee-yus).
"The Muscle" lies about an inch or so beneath the skin surface. It may vary in thickness from a half-inch to more than two inches.
Most of the muscle is activated by the pudendal nerve, which serves as a transmitter of messages of excitation. As your nerve endings become excited by massaging the genitals including such areas as the anus, the prostate gland, the head of the penis or even the urethral opening, these feelings transmit signals to the brain. The pudendal nerve, in return, also sends signals from the brain to "The Muscle, bringing on the pulsing contractions that are usually associated with orgasms, when moving from the Plateau stage to the Orgasmic stage.
In women, the pudendal nerve detects stimulation around the clitoris, labia, vaginal entrance, anus, and other sensitive parts.
Two other sets of muscles are called the Sphincters. In further explanation, your penis is controlled (squeezing and releasing) by a sphincter muscle which is called the Master Sphincter. The hindmost opening, the Anus is contracted (squeezing and releasing) by way of the Anal Sphincter. These sphincter muscles are essential in constricting or contracting (squeezing and releasing) your genital openings.
Your Master Sphincter surrounds the penis at the internal base. The penis is a muscle group of fibers, also containing many cells, which when tumescent, becomes filled with blood. The Master Sphincter, in concert with the prodding strength of your pelvic floor muscles, keeps your erection lasting as long as you maintain physical friction, or mental ardor.
FINDING "THE MUSCLE"
The muscle you are attempting to locate controls your urine flow. It's the one that you would clench or close-shut in order to stop the flow of urine.
In order to test the strength and sensitivity of your "Muscle, you want to make an effort to "stop the flow" as you urinate. If you can cut off the flow completely, and if you can stop and restart the flow again and stop and restart yet again, your muscles are definitely in good shape.
Go to the bathroom and pull out your pride and joy and attempt to urinate. As the stream spurts forth, squeeze your "Muscle" in order to interrupt the flow. Stop and Go, Stop and Go, Stop and Go. You have a weakness problem, if you cannot stop the stream with a clean break. You also want to be able to eliminate dribbling during the interval between squirts of urine streams.
This is the best test you and your spouse can perform. This same muscle controls premature ejaculation. Furthermore, a weak muscle allows incontinency to occur. Incontinence is usually blamed on a weak bladder or urine leakage. Actually it is often due to a weak "Muscle.
O.K., . . . that's quite enough about anatomy and nerve and muscular terminology. You will have to learn to pace yourself and digest all this information slowly so that control develops as part of your natural behavior.
If you use this book as a Study Guide, it should be read and reread and studied carefully.
One of the purposes of this HandBook is to allow it to be read and studied over and over again, until the desired information becomes part of your store of knowledge, affecting your continuing natural behavior. The application of this knowledge will help you today and for the rest of your Lifetime.
"A Little Squeeze Will Do It"
You can strengthen "The Muscle" over a number of weeks if you would simply sit on the edge of a chair and concentrate on your perineum. This is the skin surface between your scrotum and your anus. Fortunately, you can do these exercises almost anytime and anywhere, at work, at school, while watching TV, in a Theater, at a restaurant, or while relaxing in bed. However, for learning purposes, just sit at a table while at home where you can get yourself acquainted with the special exercises that will give you "Sexual Puissance.
Under no circumstances do you want to exercise the wrong muscles, so don't get an erection, because that's not the objective. Visualize putting your mind's eye firstly on your anus. Squeeze the Anal Sphincter. You want to feel the buttoning effect of your anus.
What you are endeavoring to do, is to explore a way to isolate "The Muscle, thereby bringing into your consciousness a perception of your surrounding muscles. Now, envision the muscles surrounding the base of your penis, however, don't arouse the flaccid fellow. By activating your Master Sphincter, you should have simply felt a stirring within the flaccidity of your penis. Remember, you are still trying to isolate various muscle groups so that you can properly sort out the differences in feelings before activating "The Main Muscle.
Now, while seated on the very edge of a chair, place your middle and fourth fingers of either hand between your legs. Locate the area in front of your anus which is the perineum. Your testicles will be resting in the palm of your hand. Press your finger tips with ample pressure against this area and attempt to contract these muscles. This particular muscle group is what you want to exercise. Keep your finger pressure applied until you can distinguish between your Anal sphincter, and your Master sphincter. While retaining your finger tips applied to the perineum area, activate "The Muscle.
Once you have been able to isolate "The Muscle, continue to squeeze and release, contract and relax.
After successfully identifying the proper twitching effect of "The Muscle, you need not continue to use your finger pressure.
There are two distinctly unique exercises that you should learn to perfect.
Pulse your muscle by a tight Squeeze and then Release. Executing five repetitions of one count each.
Let's get started.
Squeeze, hold for the count of 1, Release.
Squeeze, hold for the count of 2, Release.
Squeeze, hold for the count of 3, Release.
Squeeze, hold for the count of 4, Release.
And finally, Squeeze, hold for the count of 5 and Release.
Do three or four sets of these several times during the day. Frequent Exercises every day will permit your muscles to shape up.
You will again use the count of five, but differently this time.
Take a deep breath
Squeeze "The Muscle"
Continue to hold it Squeezed for a full count of five, 1-,2-,3-,4-,5.
Now, Relax! Let your breath out! Once more, count to five. 1-,2-,3-,4-,5. Then, again, Breathe in.
Squeeze, holding your breath while counting to Five. Then release your breath slowly.
Perform three or more sets of these exercises at periodic intervals at least three or four times during the day. As indicated previously, you can perform these Exercises almost anytime and anywhere, even while driving to and from work.
Of course, you need not do these exercises with your hand between your crotch after you have learned to locate the muscle group. This is affected initially to help you in separating and identifying your muscle groups.
You may wish to try another position using body leverage. If you feel that you exercise a little better with pressure applied to the perineum area, perform the two exercises while reclined in a chair with your legs outstretched and your shoulders against the back of the chair. The edge of the chair seat can apply pressure on your buttocks which will push up your perineum, thereby letting you feel the contractions pulsing from "The Muscle. Once you get accustomed to your exercise program you can customize it to your individual life style. Just maintain a schedule that allows you to establish a priority for these exercises. They are simple exercises, so keep your disciplines and controls foremost in your mind at all times.
Remember, just because the exercises are easy, don't lose sight of the value of the rewards for you and your wife. Toning "The Muscle" is of utmost importance and should be continued for the rest of your lives. Don't let the simplicities keep you down! Or out!
The French are acclaimed for saying "Vive le Difference!", now you can shout "Vive le Puissance!"
The essence of this newly achieved Power results from the distinct efforts extended by you in control of "The Muscle. This recalcitrant muscle group, hidden within your pelvic area can now follow your bidding and is ready to bring you reward. Having engaged in fine tuning "The Muscle, you are ready for its application.
You are ready now to formulate your Attitudes.
These attitudes should follow the principles of Inspiration, Stimulation and Installation. Or, Meditation, Fortification, then Fornication.
"Sexual Puissance" will allow you to understand and help your mate's ability to exercise her Pubococcygeous muscles which can result in tightening her vaginal canal. Therefore, with practice and determination, both of you can enjoy more pleasures.
. . . And, furthermore, with proper encouragement you can urge your wife to have many orgasms. Oh, yes, and moreover, . . . your wife can also ejaculate.
Most men and women are not actually aware that a woman, too, has the ability to ejaculate. For that matter, most doctors, including gynecologists, do not know that she has this amazing ability within her grasp. By performing the distinctive pelvic exercise program described in this HandBook, a man can assist his wife in the fulfillment of her own ejaculations.
The process of ejaculation for a woman is directly affected by the condition of the muscles that are called into action. Of great significance, however, is her mental attitude, which is the single most meaningful ingredient to mutual excitement.
Neatly placed and nestled within your wife's vagina is a "fountain"
just waiting to be "turned on.
Let's elaborate further about this wonderful resource! A woman can ejaculate fluid as does a man. However, in most women, the initial urge is to hold back because she believes that she is about to urinate while having sexual intercourse. The embarrassment a woman suffers against urinating during sex, causes most women who are "ready" to attempt to restrain the impulse to ejaculate, rather than to release their pent up passions. However, restrictions for some women, other than caused by uneducated muscles, can be stubbornness, skepticism, aging, or merely apprehension that their spouse may not like the "happening. . . . And there are probably many men who would be intimidated by such a phenomenon. But the "happening" can result in the ultimate of "happiness!
Actually, the fluid that gushes out is clear and odorless. It is wet and somewhat sticky and usually tastes very pleasant and sometimes even sweet. Orgasms, for a woman while ejaculating can be splendidly exciting and profound. Ejaculation adds a powerful flame to an already heated situation for both the woman and the man.
. . . And for you, this experience offers an added dessert to your buffet of concupiscence. It is superbly unimaginable for the uninitiated and magnificently awe-inspiring to those who experience it!
(In the diagram at right, the red zone is the G-Spot, which is often never massaged by the male penis as it usually slides past and over it in penetrating to fill the vacant vagina. Thus, special positioning or the use of fingers would be necessary to provide the proper massaging effect.)
Now, through the knowledge gained by "Sexual Puissance, you and your wife can experience a continued proliferation of passions, if both of you but try. With practice, your whole body mass becomes flushed and in effect your total torso assimilates a penis, as you palpitate with thousands of muscles and nerves, contracting and constricting within and around your whole body.
The effect can be quite dynamic as your soul and spirit take control of your body as well as your wife's, the two of you becoming co-conspirators in the blissful delights to be achieved.
This can go on and on if you permit it, while your sexual tensions continue to increase. When you finally decide to ejaculate, it can be an event called upon by your own will. If your spouse has the stamina and the endurance and she becomes multi-orgasmic in the process, then both of you will have arrived at various states of ultimate ecstacy and actual quantum delirium.
Each of us has our communion with God. As we become more acquainted with the inner workings of our bodies, we readily realize that the miracles of Human creation are but another demonstration of God's benevolence. With this in mind, this HandBook has been written to conform to the Judeo-Christian principles in marital-sexual family living. It is an attempt to improve the framework of the Family System in order to make it a more loving, caring, companionship oriented structure. Sexual awareness requires that our educational processes remain open to good and wholesome communication. This joyful, caring situation can only be accomplished by a determined approach which includes the reinforcement of sexual performance by both husband and wife.
In the past few years, many religious groups have discussed the need to have an open forum for dialogue on sexual expression. Perhaps this need has been prompted by the lack of discretion on the part of some of the fallen Church leaders themselves, who have toppled by virtue of their immoral and sinful ways.
The essence of this HandBook concurs with Biblical assertions of "speaking the truth in love. Therein, we hope to find the strengths that build authentic intimacy and learn how to give of ourselves to one another. Marital sex has a natural physical purpose which when uninhibited by negative emotions, can provide a wonderful forum for Spiritual communication for both husband and wife.
Communication involves information, knowledge, comprehension, and understanding. The more sensitive the matter, the more vital the need for communicating. Therefore, to solve an ingrained problem or to save a marriage, it may even be necessary to consult an outside counselor. This assumes that both, you and your wife, are resolute in solving the problem.
Attitudes are of great importance. A positive attitude encourages and uplifts. It is productive. It shows sincerity, caring, stability, perseverance, and most essentially --- love!
Negative attitudes spawn ill feelings. It tears the "Heart" out and it turns the "Heat" off. Ideally, you can transform your marriage into a Courtship, or an extended Honeymoon. Therefore, reach out and hold on to your original marriage vows. Cherish the strength of Spiritual feeling, for this is most essential.
Profit by reading from the Book of Proverbs.
* * *
Rejoice with the wife of thy youth . . .
Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times;
And be thou ravished always with her love.
* * *
On direct interpretation, you should frequently look to refresh your feelings for your wife. As you take your wife in Love you should also find her ravishing. You should enjoy the moments in sharing which bring you both to mutual satisfying experiences of connubial states of impassioned Love.
Do not forget the important little things like giving your wife flowers and telling her that she is beautiful and most of all . . .
Tell her each day, "I LOVE YOU" ! ! !
Like the little, Southern Creoles use to say . . .
" A little bit of something extra! "
Why does lust never leave us? Actually, lust is part of our normal psyche. It is part of our basic natural behavior patterns. Lust, simply put, means desire. In further defining lust, we involve words that invoke feelings such as: passion, sensuality, relish, enthusiasm, zest; a hungering, or thirsting, or craving for someone or something. The opposite of lust is indifference or loathing.
Too often, lust is regarded in a negative vain rather than for its positive aspect. If you but stop to think about it, without lust, there would never be sexual attraction toward another person. Therefore, lust is a significant factor in ripening our innate desire to pursue the person with whom we wish to consummate. Lust, properly channeled and nestled in marital love, provides the everlasting flame of passion with which to preserve your wife in nuptial bliss and harmony and satisfy her in complete surrender to physical pleasure and sensuality. If sexual physical desires are not adequately satisfied, then such lustful craving is not easily extinguished. It may deflect into an attraction which could then become directed to someone other than your spouse. This negative lust, if not restricted and properly channeled, may ultimately lead to adultery.
However, be a Lover, NOT a Luster! Do not let Sexual Lusting predominate your performance for the love of your mate. This is an attitude of greed and selfishness and can destroy all of the Sexual Puissance which you have gained through your pelvic exercise program. It cannot be stated too often, but "attitude" decides whether you are a Lover or a Luster. Your wife can easily sense the difference. She will respond in any number of ways depending upon her own attitudes toward physical sex and her love for you. A loving, caring relationship manifested in attitudes which endorse a loving and caring, demeanor will endure throughout the years of marriage. Attitudes are learned. Behavior is learned. Sexual Puissance is learned. Even an attitude toward learning is learned. Learning starts with the desire and the need to change. Once a change of heart takes place, a change of life will follow. Pursue learning which induces change for the better. If you follow the course of being a Lover, you will ultimately bless your marriage with enriching and consummate love. Give yourself this blessing and you will receive the knowledge for which you were born.
Levels of Libido
Another point of consideration is how much sexual libido does one have? Your levels of physical need and satisfaction may vary greatly from that of your wife and should be properly addressed. The degree and intensity of sexual craving between a man and wife suggests that it be balanced by sexual frequency as well as successful sexual gratification. With harmony and understanding, in addition to open communication, improved sexual performance should ultimately be reached between you and your wife.
Therefore, because of the human aspects of lust and libido, sexual intercourse will be the inevitable outcome. Sexual relations, in proper context, will be performed in the marital bed, but if not properly addressed, the result may deteriorate to adulterous immoralities.
You should examine whether you or your wife is altered by negative influences which may be imposed by excesses of overindulging. Sexual performance can be impeded by such excesses as over-eating or over-drinking or drugs, whether by prescription or otherwise. This overindulging condition can further cause you or your wife to be faced with sexual tensions left unsatisfied. It may even cause sexual guilt and deep frustrations within either or both of you. It could further induce forms of fornication or adultery which are unwanted, unwarranted, abusive or even illegal, and certainly immoral. Another form of overindulging would be if one partner is excessively preoccupied with sexual cravings. Some excessive demands may be construed as unreasonable, resulting in altering the balance for mutual happiness.
Another cause of disturbance can occur when either partner has suffered childhood abuse which may have carried over into marriage. Some of these early problems may still linger without resolution, resulting in conditions, behaviors, or disorders influencing the Mental Health of both partners.
Further causes of concern may be the result of physical illnesses or conditions such as impotency or deep-seated inhibitions which have lead to depression and stress-filled mood changes. These negative forces need to be treated in most instances by therapy and will not be discussed herein. Needless to say, you should see a professional practitioner for necessary follow-up.
Attitudes and Understanding
Sexual Puissance, once understood, should elevate the levels of your sexual responsiveness and help you to resolve personal concerns created by inexperience and inadequacy of sexual performance. You should approach your lover infinitely more effectively both in stimulating her and in satisfying her own personal sexual needs. You can help her to become sexually responsive without reservation. You can uplift yourself spiritually in the glory of having encouraged her to develop freedom and security in her sexual response to challenge your most personal needs.
"The G Spot"
(Required reading for your Wife)
Extracts taken from
Alice Ladas and Beverly Whipple & John Perry
Dell Publishing, 1983, 666 Fifth Ave., NY, NY
Aristotle was probably the first to write about female ejaculation, and Galen is said to have known about it in the second century A.D.
P.55. The first person to describe the G Spot in detail was a seventeenth century Dutch anatomist Regnier de Graaf. In his New Treatise Concerning the Generative Organs of Women, he described that "during the sexual act, it discharges to lubricate the tract so copiously that it even flows outside the pudenda. He described the fluid as rushing out with impetus and in one gush.
In 1926, Theodore H. van de Velde, M.D., published a popular marriage manual that mentioned that some women expel a liquid during orgasm.
P.55 In 1941 George Caldwell, M.D., reported that the glands possess a structure and elaborate a secretion comparable only to the prostatic glands of the male.
P.75 In 1950, Grafenberg gave a rather full description of female ejaculation in relation to pleasure.
"This convulsory expulsion of fluids occurs always at the acme of the orgasm and simultaneously with it. If there is the opportunity to observe the orgasm of such women, one can see that large quantities of a clear, transparent fluid are expelled not from the vulva, but out of the urethra in gushes . . . The profuse secretions coming out with the orgasm have no lubricating significance, otherwise they would be produced at the beginning of intercourse and not at the peak of orgasm."
P.20 There is a spot inside the vagina that is extremely sensitive to deep pressure. It lies in the anterior wall of the vagina about two inches from the entrance. They named this area the Grafenberg spot, after Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, the first modern physician to describe it.
"The spot has been found in every woman they had examined. When properly stimulated, the Grafenberg spot wells and leads to orgasm in many women."
"At the moment of orgasm, many women ejaculate a liquid through the urethra that is chemically similar to male ejaculate but contains no sperm. As a result of stimulation of the G spot, women often have a series of orgasms."
P.77 In 1978, Sevely and Bennett published an article entitled "Concerning Female Ejaculation and the Female Prostate" in the Journal of Sex Research in February 1978.
"In belief that they are urinating, many women are embarrassed about ejaculating. Thinking the same thing, their partners often belittle them, which is one reason many women have learned to suppress orgasm."
They concluded that women can ejaculate and that the fluid expelled by women through the urethra has prostatic fluid as a component and that female sexual fluids (like male fluids) can contribute to erotic pleasure. Every gland and organ in the male has its counterpart in the female, and vice versa.
Since the fluid comes out of the urethra, which is the opening through which both men and women urinate, it is important to correlate that if man's ejaculate is not urine then too, a woman's ejaculate is not urine.
Male and female Attitudes about female ejaculation vary from disgust to ecstasy, from puzzlement to acceptance.
P.70 The ejaculate produced from a female orgasm is not the color of urine, it does not smell or taste like urine, nor does it stain like urine. The fluid has been variously described as colorless, clear, or milky. Sometimes it is bitter but usually it is sweet. Not only does the taste and appearance vary, so does its frequency.
Some women have reported that they ejaculate every time they make love, others only occasionally.
Muscle and Anatomy:
P.87 From a practical point of view, the role of muscle tone is extremely important, because through education or therapy all of us can do something about our own muscle tone and positively influence our sexual responses.
We assume every woman has a G spot and every man has a prostate gland. The way they function depends, in part, on the state of the surrounding muscles. Most men ejaculate, as do many women, and once again, the process of ejaculation is directly affected by the condition of the muscles that are called into play. If men increase the strength of their Pubococcygeous muscles, they too can learn to create multiple orgasms and separate orgasm from ejaculation.
The strength of a woman's Pubococcygeous muscle is directly related to her ability to reach orgasm through intercourse. Women can learn to strengthen their Pubococcygeous muscles or to relax them if they are too tense.
There are several types of orgasm in women and men. In women there is a vulval orgasm, triggered by the clitoris, a uterine orgasm, triggered by intercourse, and a combination of the two. In men there is an orgasm triggered by the penis and one by the prostate.
P.79 Female ejaculate can only serve one purpose: pleasure. But, the notion of women enjoying sex for its own sake is a relatively new one, and so there was little incentive to describe a fluid with no reproductive purpose.
Sometimes it is not clear whether a woman is ejaculating or whether she is suffering from urinary stress incontinence. Incontinence is more likely to occur in women with weak Pubococcygeous muscles, while female ejaculation occurs mostly in women with strong Pubococcygeous muscles.
It is extremely important that a complete evaluation of the pelvic muscles be done before surgery takes place. Stress Incontinence can often be corrected solely through muscle training. There is apparently some risk that the ejaculatory reaction may be diminished or eliminated as a result of surgery. Yet some women experiencing hysterectomies reported that surgery facilitated ejaculation.
Exercise and Training:
P.91 In the early 1940s, pioneering gynecologist Arnold Kegel, M.D., forged ahead of his colleagues by giving the PC muscle the attention it deserved. Instead of operating on women with urinary stress incontinence, he taught them how to strengthen their PC muscles through exercise. Most of his patients did not have to undergo surgery and many of them experienced orgasm for the fist time in their lives.
In general, the better the health of the PC muscle, the more enjoyment women and men are likely to derive from sexual relations. Luckily, like any other muscle in the body, the PC can be educated through proper exercise and training. Unfortunately, most people are not aware of this.
The Pubococcygeous muscle needs periodic evaluation and training. Men and women, both, need to know how they can find their own PC muscle, what can go wrong with it, and learn to bring it under voluntary control.
Knowledge of sexuality and sexual techniques is more cultural than instinctive. Cultures less sexually repressive than our own celebrate the existence of female orgasm and teach their members methods of achieving it.
Anthropologists have reported that female ejaculation actually plays an important role in the puberty rites of certain African tribes. The Batoro of Uganda has a custom called kachapati, which means "spray the wall.
The Trobriand Islanders of the South Pacific, in addition to being aware of the G spot and the importance of pelvic motion, also knew about female ejaculation. Ipipisi momona literally means "it squirts out the discharge."
In Panama, the G Spot is called "La Bella Loca. **
**(A note by the Author)
"La Bella Loca, my friends, translates to "The Magnificent Madness.
It might also be called, "a Fantastic Frenzy.
"The G Spot
Alice Kahn Ladas, Beverly Whipple, etc.
Dell Publishing, 1983,
666 Fifth Ave., NY, NY, 10103
"The Love Muscle
Bryce Britton & Belinda Dumont
Signet Books, 1983
1633 Broadway, NY, NY, 10019
"Healing Love Through the Tao
Mantak & Maneewan Chia,
Healing Tao Books, 1986,
Huntington, New York 11743
"Human Sexual Response
William Masters & Virginia Johnson
Bantam Books, 1980
34 Beacon St, Boston, Mass. 02106
"The Sex Book"
Martin Goldstein & Erwin Haeberle
Bantam Books, 1979
34 Beacon St, Boston, Mass. 020106
Jameson Books, 1985
722 Columbus St, Ottawa, Il. 61350
"The Holy Bible"